dearly departing

by decks

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1.
I. eulogy for a funeral 02:19
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she had her life in a picture frame had her future signed away he had managed to escape a mess a year with none to blame take me away from my innocence i could only dream that we were kids again once i had fallen i had never left it was u that once had told me what the sigil meant now the journey begins hundreds of souls never to speak again i could be different but pride is a sin u couldn’t manage urself let alone a trip to burden many like yourself disregard to hundreds and their health all in search of feelings never felt you were so selfish u didn’t deserve it and now the memories come flooding back to me like a ship at sea we capsized, never recovered the bodies we went down burning (in a ball of fire) draw back the curtains (in her funeral attire) and i can’t wait to find you out as life goes by i feel my time run out hey i wouldnt be surprised if you hate me i been struggling alone on the daily i know im a lot to handle baby tell me if you need to breathe, i’ll be waiting and now the memories come flooding back to me like a ship at sea we capsized, never recovered the bodies we went down burning (in a ball of fire) draw back the curtains (in her funeral attire)
2.
II. seasick (ft. cherryrizla) 02:54
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it feels like im drowning i wake up im bruised and battered i finally stop spinning and the ocean goes on forever and ever what we have isn’t perfect, but fuck it we’re trying i struggle with certainty, and the truth is im lying my heart is a mess inside but i know im fine enough im seasick took my heart, i didnt know that i needed it fall apart, the very second we’re leavin and then i wasn’t smart, couldn’t even bear to see the ship go underrrr the very second we had sundereddd and thats the last time i fall apart to save myself our story passed time, written like a book up on the shelf and i swear im always fucking up nowhere to run everything is uncomfortable its never fun and i wonder why im staying up to see the sun maybe i should just go to bed what we have isn’t perfect, but fuck it we’re trying i struggle with certainty, and the truth is im lying my heart is a mess inside but i know im fine enough [cherry] i’m stuck underwater and i just cannot find the space to breathe its hotter and hotter i sweat through my collar when ur with me took it all in i just sat back i don’t wanna fall don’t wanna backtrack
u saw my heart and u cracked that i saw ur heart and its matte black i saw ur heart u know its not perfect but fuck it were trying so lets get something working [both] what we have isn’t perfect, but fuck it we’re trying i struggle with certainty, and the truth is im lying my heart is a mess inside but i know im fine enough if ur not comin with me save it, u dont deserve me
3.
III. the sail strikes back 02:16
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i shouldn’t have woken up (i lost souls of people i trusted most) we couldn’t have fucked this up (the waves told of more than i’ll ever know) the sail strikes back and the mast’s in half now the ships all cracked never coming back lower deck, where i slept, shouldve seen it comin i was blessed with a soul now im left with nothing cuz i couldn’t find a way out the floor burst as i was screaming for help and now i live with my failure im burdened with loss was i meant to be saved or is this just what i’ve earned cuz god knows i never learn so teach me if this is my lesson then come fucking teach me im suffering out here alone where nobody can reach me i shouldn’t have woken up (i lost souls of people i trusted most) we couldn’t have fucked this up (the waves told of more than i’ll ever know) the sail strikes back and the mast’s in half now the ships all cracked never coming back when the sail strikes back we relive our past feel our burdens cast never coming back
4.
reflection (interlude) 01:00
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n/a shoutout jolst
5.
IV. low tide (ft. betweentheveinsandi) 02:44
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(decks) its finite, reactive bullshit that got us here and i dont mean to laugh or joke but i see it clearly how time takes lives in the cruelest way and im fucking exhausted so i wont pray for calmer waves im better off in a coffin or when its half mast think about what i’ve passed will i be forgiven? or when im undone will i run or is this a new beginning? i think i saw your star sign projected in the night sky i look out to the ocean and then im back to your eyes (veins) I don't give a fuck anymore I would let her drown me in a low tide these decisions assault my eyes I brace for the waves that drag me back into the deep tide yuh, it gives a deep high I guess it feel right underwater with no sunshine I heave a deep sigh I'm filled with sea brine all of my bones will rest in deep lime but it's been nice I hope u feel right I hope he never leaves ur fucking side I pray u both live long and happy lives most of all, importantly, I hope u feel alive (decks) its finite, reactive bullshit that got us here and i dont mean to laugh or joke but i see it clearly how time takes lives in the cruelest way and im fucking exhausted so i wont pray for calmer waves im better off in a coffin
6.
V. anchor 02:36
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i cant really see it here and now and the lights behind my back are turning down every sailor knows his in and outs but i struggle every now and then with life so hear me out (hear me out, hear me out) i might die today i could throw my life away every time i surface i cant see i think my mind’s away they say im bad luck thats why the bad stuck and follows me everywhere (where, where) seeing aint always believing the ocean was never forgiving we need to drop anchor (we need to drop anchor) and i stand and wait as cold air breaks the sail before us all our fatal fate has taken everything that we once loved so fuck it all if i go down i’ll be swinging a rope tied to songs i’ve been singing the weight is enough for a fixing so i tighten the knot and im ready for war warrr i still need more (from life, insideee my mind) moreee i cant really see it here and now so i contemplate ways in which i drown every time i’m lost im never found i just suffer all the consequences, end up on the ground i might die today i could throw my life away every time i surface i cant see i think my mind’s away they say im bad luck thats why the bad stuck and follows me everywhere (where, where) seeing aint always believing the ocean was never forgiving we need to drop anchor (we need to drop anchor) im leading a life not worth living and seemingly so, unforgiving its time i let out this anger
7.
VI. pay your respects 02:33
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if this is real i’ve learned my lesson i’d bring a chair to watch myself trying to breathe when every day is just progression its easy just to stop and stare at what u need and every time i turn around my vision’s upside down and the mirror’s staring back at me now i’m waiting for a sound cuz my ears are bleeding out isnt it nice to be so happy? all the time spent makes me sick i’ve been down, wheres a stroke of good fortune while my life has been at risk where were you, did you even come searching? while the nightmares subsided my bones and my heart are on terms with the devil clear i have been misguided the water just dragged me right back where i came from paint it on black put out a message i dont think that ima regret this on top of the world for a second then i slip and im back at the entrance look at the way that i fuck up must have been somethin within me had to be something im hiding look at the facts we’re presenting like, he doesnt talk he doesnt socialize what is his problem clearly its all in head though what if its something thats mental i cant breathe when its all building i need time and cover out of air i think im drowning, am i going under? all the time spent makes me sick i’ve been down, wheres a stroke of good fortune while my life has been at risk where were you, did you even come searching? while the nightmares subsided my bones and my heart are on terms with the devil clear i have been misguided the water just dragged me right back where i came from
8.
VII. mountain mover 03:25
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i need help could u lend me a hand? cuz the foam on the waves just threw me into the sand i need time more than anything i can make something out of everything i see but i just want to breathe for once i don’t think thats asking much to take, to give, to love living is hard enough im so used to the brace before the impact that when i sleep i just wake before the contact and now i wander and i wonder if its over, dead and gone if my memory takes too long are u someone i can rely on? i need time more than anything i can make something out of everything i see but i just want to breathe for once i don’t think thats asking much i think i waited too long i know the damage is done im moving mountains just to solve all of the problems i’ve caused i’d rather take it all in than try to fix what i broke cuz every time i step a foot in i just slip and then choke i think im losing whats in front of me and whats in front of me is the ocean and some company but what is company when im all alone i’ll try to cope but i dont wanna know what’s really gone now the weight is heavy on me and i’ve been falling backwards i cant stay steady i just pray for better days when i think i need you more than i’d admit i wanna cry and fucking quit my stomach pulls and shakes and twists take me back to those i miss i need time more than anything i can make something out of everything i see but i just want to breathe for once i don’t think thats asking much
9.
VIII. sincerely (ft. evan carr) 02:30
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(decks) i press pause & rewind it all feels like a movie maybe thats how i kill time i swear its amusing i make a victim of myself & im crying to no one its a cycle of nature, and i live in darkness, no moon & no sun i hope this reads like a letter whenever you hear it nothing would make me feel better than knowing u feel it too this island it paints me blue sincerely, it’s cause of u the way the leaves they hold me it almost feels like u got to know me (evan carr) wave after wave and i’ve been drowning in a sea of my own thoughts a clear image of everything i’m not hold on and hope it’s not a lot i know this too well here reading the same old story i’m stuck in this cycle all i can do is wonder if are you coming to save me i’m empty pull me out of the shit that’s preventing me is it too late to get out of this draw my name in the sand are you coming to save me are you coming to save me am i coming to save me i put it all line draw my name in the sand are you coming to save me (decks) i hope this reads like a letter whenever you hear it nothing would make me feel better than knowing u feel it too this island it paints me blue sincerely, it’s cause of u the way the leaves they hold me it almost feels like u got to know me
10.
IX. the long way home 02:39
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say less “check between the timber and pine hard rain and wait for sunshine” it never waits for those who survive so i’ll wait for days to find anything i could possibly eat i climb rock walls just to finally take a seat and im done waiting for change (waiting for change) maybe things aint as bad as they seem i always hated being special now im lost at sea so now im done waiting for change (done waiting for change) the crescent moon is a hug i needed help more than ever, i was met with a bug the gather never was an option it was death from above and the hunt was met with hate i’d never suffer for love the vultures above watch em picking their poison i hope im enough to be strictly avoided the sky’s turning red i take that as a reason for filling my home with a bundle of leaves just to stay warm i need to stay warm tonight gather round lemme tell u a story listen or you’ll be bored till the morning light i feel better when given a warning so cover your ears if u cant handle mourning life tell me what i could possibly eat i lost my mind a year ago when i was finding retreat so im done waiting for change (waiting for change) maybe things aint as bad as they seem i always hated being special now im lost at sea so now im done waiting for change (done waiting for change)
11.
X. dearly departing 01:39
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time won’t fly it’s like i struck a nerve i spoke to the sky he said i’ll never learn i’ve clawed through the sand just to dig my own grave though heartache’s my villain i take the cake the song i sing the trees sing back to me cuz i entered the forest and it chewed me up and spit me out “you’ll never win, i have no doubt” i kept my promise but i suffer when i speak aloud will i ever find a way to slow time down?
12.
XI. rescue 03:54
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in the wasteland we carry on sold a story for way too long may our curses and blessings bond for its over before its gone at a time its one at a time by design we fail by design im losing my mind im losing my mind tell me what its worth to u the lives and bridges burned the courage of the hurt the hate your children learn would you rescue me? would you send me a signal? or rest my pleas like the hearse of a victim? i understand u had it ur way far too long well the truth is i never open to anyone and the reason i dont talk is not my fault my brain is busy with self sabotage im screaming the words for you im bleeding so cut me loose my ceiling is worn the patterns are torn my patience is wearing thin u couldn’t be sure i can’t give u more is this what its like to end? tell me what its worth to u the lives and bridges burned the courage of the hurt the hate your children learn would you rescue me? would you send me a signal? or rest my pleas like the hearse of a victim?

about

my second full length album, dearly departing

credits

released September 9, 2022

prods: jolst, irby, lavender txwn, taylor morgan, pekarot, decks
vox: decks, cherryrizla, betweentheveinsandi, evan carr
mix: decks
master: jolst

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decks Hoboken, New Jersey

new jersey emo

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